Emmy Nominations vs. Alpenfest Queen’s Pageant

Is it me, or are the Emmy nominations more predictable than ever: Grey’s Anatomy, Boston Legal, House, Gandolfini, Kiefer, Patricia Arquette, Edie Falco… and the winner is: yawn yawn yawn. If you want excitement, check out the Aspenfest Queen’s pageant in Gaylord, Mich., where every year is full of surprises, and hot Northern Michigan chicks. Eighteen-year-old Samantha Dunn pulled off the upset this year, downing Sheila Cope, the runner-up. Alpenfest takes the crown in this challenge.

It’s time again for the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences and things that make you go, “Hmmm…” According to Kyra Sedgwick and Jon Cryer, who are doing the announcements, these are your 2007 nominees:

Watch with Kristin – Emmy Nominations: Here We Go Again

Eighteen-year-old Samantha Dunn of Gaylord will reign over the 2007 Alpenfest as its queen, winning the crown before a crowd of festival-goers on the Alpenstage Tuesday night. Besides her Alpine crown, Dunn, sponsored by Black Bear Golf Course, walked away with evening gown honors in the open-air pageant. Sheila Cope was first runner-up, capturing first in the talent portion of the competition with a monologue.

Gaylord Herald Times – Archive Search Results – 2007 Alpenfest Queen: Samantha Dunn

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Tags: Emmy’s, Emmy Nominations, TV, celebrity, humor, satire

Heath Ledger’s Joker vs. Crank Dat Batman

Cameras catch Heath Ledger in action as the Joker during the filming of the Batman sequel “The Dark Knight,” but this action is nothing compared to this Fairburn, Georgia, pair showing off a new dance craze called “Crank dat Batman.”

Heath Ledger

Crank Dat Batman

Kelly Rowland Collapse vs. Vanilla Jackson

Former Destiny’s Child star Kelly Rowland put a scare into a Nigerian crowd when she collapsed on stage, while a guy who goes by the name Vanilla Jackson had a scare of his own when the entire stage collapsed. But nothing was scarier than Vanilla’s performance. Kelly wins.

Kelly Rowland

Vanilla Jackson

J-Lo’s Hubby vs. Larry Ledford

J-Lo’s hubby, Marc Anthony, goes head-to-head against a North Carolina YouTuber singing “You Sang to Me.” Larry may not be a Latin lover, but he definitely sings with more heart. “Larry from the block” wins. (Bonus: to hear the Marc and Larry duet play both videos at the same time.)

Larry Ledford:

Marc Anthony

Paris Hilton vs. the Mount Olive Prostitute

Paris Hilton has apparently been trading tricks for Ts these days as she’s recently been spotted makin’ out with 21-year-old T-shirt designer, Tyler Atkins. Meanwhile, in Mount Olive, North Carolina (-Google Map-), Tracy Lynne Parker was picked up by the popo after she was reportedly caught working the “Truckstop” scene. But no matter how low Tracy is willing to go, she’ll never beat Paris in a game of whore-out. And it’s only a matter of time before Paris steps in on truck stop territory.

If it’s Monday, Paris Hilton must have a new fella.The next lucky passenger on the Valtrex express is Tyler Atkins, a 21-year-old T-shirt designer. His label, Rock Stars and Angels, is available in trendy L.A. boutiques like Kitson.

Tyler suits Paris to a tee

Tracy Lynne Parker, of Mount Olive, North Carolina (-Google Map-), was charged with prostitution, driving with the influence of alcohol and or drugs and driving with a revoked license, all misdemeanors, July 5.Police were dispatched to the Wilco at 100 Truckstop Road. According to the report, the person who reported the incident to the police met them there and told them a white female driving a white van was driving from truck to truck trying to make money.

Kenly News

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Tags: ParisHilton, Tyler Atkins, celebrity, humor, satire

Victoria Beckham vs. the Malakoff Eliminators

While Spice Girl Victoria Beckham (a.k.a. “Posh”) was busy launching her new reality show “Victoria Beckham: Coming to America” on Monday, the Malakoff Eliminators of Malakoff, Texas (-Google Map-) also started their own real life adventure about “going state,” to the state girls softball championship that is. A couple early reviews say Vicky’s TV debut was not too shabby… no word yet on how the Eliminators performed on Monday, but it’s hard to bend a softball like Beckham… we’ll go with Posh on this one.

Malakoff News Online – newspaper Cedar Lake, Malakoff, Texas, newspaper archives + local weather

The first episode of the “Victoria Beckham: Coming to America” aired on Monday at 8:00pm EST on NBC. It was better than we expected, not quite the ordinary reality show, or maybe it’s because of Posh – she has been talked about for so long, the show HAD to be good. The first episode focused on Victoria taking her U.S. driving license test, and is preparing to be interviewed by the famous blogger Perez Hilton.

“Victoria Beckham: Coming to America” reality TV show

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Tags: VictoriaBeckham, Posh, Spice Girl, Coming to America, humor, satire, celebrity

Megan Fox and Marijuana vs. the Physics of Frisbee

While “Transformers” star Megan Fox was talking drugs and Hollywood to reporters last week, young wannabe scientists were talking frisbee and physics at Camp Thornwood in West Virginia (-Google Map-), where the National Youth Science Camp went down. Fox said she’s been there and done that when it comes to the celebrity drug scene, and what she learned from it: she likes pot, but can do without the rest. As for the campers, they learned about the finer points of spin, the shape of the disc and its mass distribution. But no matter how much excitement a spinning disc generates inside these young geeks, it’s no match for a hot chick who works with robots. Foxy wins.

“Transformers” star and Angie Jolie look-alike Megan Fox admits to dabbling in illegal substances — and loving a little weed. In a recent interview with Maxim magazine, the lippy starlet admitted that she’s tried nearly every drug under the sun. “I’ve done drugs, and that’s how I know I don’t like them.” … Fox also discusses the white powdery stuff, and she’s not talking snow. Says Fox, “Cocaine is back with a vengeance … Celebrities aren’t trying to hide it, except when people have camera phones.”

Megan Fox Pro-Pot – TMZ.com

Camp staffer Daniel Perry leads a directed study session on the physics of a frisbee, explaining the finer points of spin, the shape of the disc and its mass distribution.

The Pocahontas Times ~ Marlinton West Virginia ~ Your County Newspaper Since 1883

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Tags: MeganFox, Transformers, marijuana, pot, frisbee, celebrity, humor, satire

Lindsay Lohan Nude Photos vs. the Bat-eating Kitty

While Lindsay Lohan is living in fear over some nude photos that may soon wind up on the World Wide Web, a New Hampshire (-Google Map-) kitten named Mandy is breathing a mew of relief after finding out that she does not have rabies. The bat that Mandy killed last week was apparently NOT rabid, so for all you pet-loving readers out there… Don’t worry. She’s cool. Good news for one kitty; but bad news for Lohan’s kitty (a.k.a. vagina), which will apparently soon be on display for the world, again. And as far as the challenge goes, Lindsay wins. Although rabies can be scary, nothing is scarier than the viral prospects of a Lohan nudey pic.

NEWLY sober Lindsay Lohan is afraid that nude photos taken of her by British bad boy Calum Best have been stolen by a computer hacker and will wind up on the Internet. Just weeks after sultry shots of Lohan and Vanessa Minnillo goofing around with kitchen knives hit the Web, underground site celebslam.com claims it has its hands on nude photos of Lindsay – and the stalker-ish site is threatening to publish them.

NUDE PHOTOS HAUNT LINDSAY – Pagesix – New York Post Online Edition

So, I breathe a sign of relief because my procrastination about getting Mandy, the outdoor kitty who adopted us several months ago, a rabies shot has not doomed her to an untimely death.The bat she killed last week is not rabid, the state Department of Health and Human Services found.Well, that’s good.

Cabinet.com | The CABINET PRESS INC | Covering Milford, Wilton, Amherst, Lyndeborough, Greenville, Mont Vernon, Jaffrey, Mason, Hollis, Brookline, Merrimack and Bedford, NH.

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Tags: LindsayLohan, nude photos, celebrity, humor

Jessica Simpson vs. the Teenage Rib Maker

While pop tart Jessica Simpson was showing off her ribs sporting her new swimwear line at fashion week in Miami, a high school senior from Latah County, Idaho (-Google Map-), was also showing off his ribs, cept his were cooked and covered with barbecue sauce. Tyler Renz (aka Moe Bandy) started with a concoction known as Moe Bandy’s Barbecue Sauce and his business has evolved into a full service traveling barbecue show with ribs, chicken, pork roast and pork sandwiches on the menu. Jessica’s swim line is said to be saucy, but can she match the open pit talents of Moe Bandy? We think so. Sorry Tyler. We’re impressed with the entrepreneurial talents of this young cooking star, but he’s no match for the Simpson machine… and, well, not to mention… her ribs are easy on the eyes.

Singer turned actress turned fashion designer? Jessica Simpson launched her new swimwear line over the weekend at the Mercedes-Benz fashion week in Miami, and of course the event was well-attended by the Hollywood elite.

The Cleveland Leader

While other high school kids are trolling the mall or hanging out, Potlatch senior Tyler Renz is learning the fine art of saddle making from his uncle, Phil Renz. As if that isn’t enough to polish his work ethic, Tyler has also started his own catering business. “I call it Moe Bandy’s Barbecue Catering,” says Tyler. “That’s my uncle’s nickname for me. I don’t know how he came up with it, but it stuck.”

The Latah Eagle-covering Moscow, Genesee, Troy, Deary Bovill, Elk River, Kendrick, Juliaetta, Potlatch, Princeton, Harvard, Onaway

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Tags: JessicaSimpson, swimwear, barbecue, fashion week, Miami, ribs, cooking

Paris Hilton vs. an Intoxicated Lady Named Debbie

Paris Hilton has something in common with Deborah A. Brydyl, a 45-year-old woman from Springfield, Illinois (-Google Map-): They both like to drivey while drunkey. Hilton is back in the news after being released from jail because there’s rumor that she was getting special privileges in the pokey. Brydyl initially avoided jail altogether because she was too drunk to go there, according to reports… but she’ll likely end up behind bars as soon as she sobers up, so, the privileged princess named Paris wins this battle.

Los Angeles County jail officials vowed to treat Paris Hilton like any other inmate.But the Sheriff’s Department on Thursday launched an internal investigation into whether the hotel heiress got special perks while at the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood.

Alleged Paris Hilton perks in jail probed – Los Angeles Times

An allegedly intoxicated woman was arrested at midday Wednesday after she drove over mailboxes, through yards, a fence, a tree, a median filled with flowers and the decorative entrance sign to Mill Creek Estates. Deborah A. Brydl, 45, of the 3400 block of Briana Drive was taken to St. John’s Hospital because she was too intoxicated to be booked into jail, police said.

SJ-R.COM – Police Beat

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Tags: ParisHilton, Drunk Driving, Jail, humor, satire